


Shattered Minds and Ready Hands

by savvymavvy



Series: Trip and Stumble [12]
Category: Glee RPF, StarKid Productions RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-09
Updated: 2013-04-10
Packaged: 2017-12-07 22:57:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/754043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/savvymavvy/pseuds/savvymavvy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Things that crack eventually break.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Darren doesn’t understand what Chris is going on about when he text messages him in class. It has something to do with socks and travels on from there to trash and milk and orange juice containers in the fridge but Darren isn’t able to keep up with Chris’ reasonings in between note-taking, his phone racking up the messages until he is growing more and more annoyed as he reads through them walking from the bus to his apartment. He is ready to break into yelling, has even started to get there (really Chris, bitching about my socks, what the fucking fuck?) when he notices the papers in Chris’ hand and begins to really understand what this might be all about. 

His first thought is _where the fuck did those come from_ but that quickly melts into _oh holy fuck_ as Chris shoves the papers in his face. He scrambles to grab them and trails behind Chris. He wants to answer, wants to _explain_ but Chris is coming at him, both barrels blazing (its clear he’s been building up to this all afternoon and Darren didn’t even know to take cover when he came in) and he snaps as Chris accuses him. 

“No, it’s just - it’s a fucking good opportunity! I was gonna talk to you about it.” Darren voice rises louder and louder the more he says. “Why are you going through my shit anyway?” Because these are his. His papers, his things and what the fuck he wasn’t going to mention this to Chris, had essentially written the opportunity off but he liked to hold onto the papers, just thinking about it after all. Nothing wrong with _thinking_ about it.

And Chris keeps accusing him; keeps coming at him, trying to wriggle in a bit of truth to his crazy accusation of Darren leaving him and its fucking absurd and ridiculous but Chris keeps coming at him, badgering him and won’t fucking listen to what he has to say when he says that its nothing. It doesn’t matter he filled it in, he wouldn’t up and leave Chris without telling him, he’s not that kind of a jerk but Chris apparently thinks he is, he thinks he is definitely that kind of an jerk.

“My boyfriend is an inconsiderate asshole, that’s what’s wrong,” Chris sneers at him and Darren has had it with this fucking mood Chris is in. 

“Wow, must be a total hardship to put up with him,” he snaps back because he is _tired_ of this bullshit and his sympathy is gone. Chris is purposefully hitting him low and he has no problem hitting back right now.

Chris just glares at him, his eyes steely and looking nothing like what Darren is used to seeing from his boyfriend. “Yeah, you know, sometimes I wonder why I do. Maybe I should just take off, then? I hear Italy is nice this time of year.”

Chris is still harping on that, still stuck on the idea of Darren leaving him and “Chris! Fuck it wasn’t like that--” He shouts, hands going to his hair and tugging on the strands as he wants to just shove some sense into his obtuse boyfriends head.

Chris wheels on him again, accusing him of lying, of purposefully keeping things from him and it stabs right into Darren’s chest. It hurts, hearing these things from Chris and Darren knows he’s angry, that he is saying them right in the middle of a fight, accusing him of kissing that girl on New Year’s and of things with Julia and of wanting anyone but him. It’s the middle of a fight by maybe the anger is loosening Chris’ tongue, making him say things he thinks but would otherwise swallow down. 

Darren steps closer, trying to calm Chris down who is still running at the mouth, wild eyed and glaring at him. “You are being fucking ridiculous, man. Like, just take a minute and listen to yourself.” He tries to reach out to Chris and remind him of San Francisco, remind him of how badly Darren needed Chris, thought Chris would leave him and how it was wrong, how that wasn’t how it happened but any attempt to diffuse the situation riles Chris up further. He’s jerking back out of Darren’s reach, slapping his hand out of the way. 

“No, you listen to yourself. You’re trying to make me feel like I’m the one that’s done something wrong, and I haven’t. I’m not the one secretly planning on leaving the country.”

“God damn, Chris. I don’t know, maybe it’d be a good thing. You wouldn’t have to put up with finding my fucking socks if I were it Italy, right? I mean, might be a fucking dream come true for you.” Darren is so tired of this fight, so tired of Chris accusing him of things that he hasn’t done of assuming he’d be an asshole and of cheating and it all hurts.

Chris steps back again, feeling like he’s been slapped and Darren is so angry and hurt right now he doesn’t have the strength to stop him when Chris turns and leaves.

*

He had expected Chris to come back in half an hour (maybe less); he had expected Chris would come back, feeling upset still but a bit calmer, a bit clearer headed and would apologize to Darren for assuming he’d be an ass and Darren would apologize for the socks and the orange juice cartons in the wrong spot and they’d hug and they’d feel better. Not better better but getting there. 

He had expected Chris. 

Two and a half hours later and Chris is still gone and Darren’s anger is beginning to pick up steam. 

“He fucking accused me of cheating Joey,” Darren fumes, grabbing for the whiskey bottle and bypassing the mismatched shot glasses that are accumulated on the table. 

“I know, you told me. It’s fucking crazy man,” Joey agrees, nodding along with him. There are a few scattered beer bottles behind them and the ravaged leftovers of a few pizza boxes as well. 

“ _Cheating_ on him! With like, Julia! I mean, I don’t know what he has against her, I think he thinks I’m like secretly in love with her and going to run away with her and have crazy babies or something.” He knocks back a bit more of the whiskey and enjoys the burn it has on its way down. 

“Yeah, I know. You wouldn’t man, you and her are like--”

“We’re good friends! I mean we tried that thing out before, tried doing the dating thing and that’s not us man. We’re better like friends and we’re both cool with that. But he thinks we’re pining or some shit.” 

“Did you talk to him about when you and Julia dated?”

Darren glares at Joey. “No. He doesn’t like talking about her much.” 

“Hey, I’m just saying, maybe that would help...?” 

“Fine. But it still doesn’t... That I would up and leave the country Joey! Just like here one day and then the next he comes back from class and WHOOP! I’m gone! Sorry, see you later Chris! Like fuck, he thinks I’m that kind of a guy?”

“No Dare, no he doesn’t. I’m sure he doesn’t. I’m sure he was just scared and worried and it just blew all out of proportion in his head and he’ll be back. You two will apologize and have your loud make up sex and keep all of us from sleeping tonight.” 

Darren sniffs and looks at the clock, at how late its getting and sniffs again. Chris needs to hurry back so they have time for make up sex.

*

It has been over four hours since Chris left the apartment and Darren has waited up as long as he could. Joey and Brian have gone to bed, leaving Darren sitting on the couch with a bad TV movie. His mother always said, never go to bed angry with the one you love and he won’t. He’s gonna wait up for Chris to come home so they can sort this out. 

But Chris hasn’t come home yet.

By three AM, Darren realizes that Chris isn’t coming home. He has no idea where Chris has gone, where he’s staying or who he’s with, he just knows its not at home with him; that Chris was still angry enough, still upset enough with Darren to not even want to see his face coming back. 

That realization hits hard and Darren wheezes as he takes in another breath. It isn’t that he can’t sleep next to him and has moved to the couch, he’s so angry that he can’t even be in their apartment, can’t even see him. It hits Darren hard; he grabs a blanket and curls up on the couch, still not wanting to go to their bed alone and angry and with this over their heads, and he’ll blame it on all the alcohol when cries a bit to himself.

*

Darren wakes up the next morning feeling hungover and exhausted. He’s drooling straight onto the couch and his leg has fallen off. His back hurts and his head hurts and he feels like he needs to shower for days. 

His phone has died sometime through the night and he hurries to plug it in. He’d feel like shit if he missed a call or a text from Chris while he overslept. 

It takes some time for his phone to come back. He scrolls through missed calls and missed messages. There’s nothing.

*

It’s hard to keep himself from constantly checking his phone. He doesn’t even turn the ringer off in class just in case Chris does call and he might not hear it (it leads to a rather annoyed professor when Darren gets a series of texts from Joe Walker but he’s not going to chance missing it). 

He thinks about calling himself, grabbing the phone and calling Chris (he even speaks to Julia about it) but he thinks, maybe Chris wants some space. Maybe Chris running out the door last night was him saying give me a bit of time. Darren doesn’t want to be that jerk, doesn’t want to make Chris deal with something if he wants some time, so he gives it to him. He still keeps his phone on him, but he lets Chris have that space that he wants and hopes he’ll call soon. 

*

His classes drag on and by the end of the day, he’s dragging himself home. He wants to see Chris’ smiling face on the couch. Even his scowling face or his angry face or his annoyed face, anything, just his face. 

He sighs when he realizes its not there. 

Brian tries to say something to him, but he’s not listening. He pushes into the bedroom and flings his bag down on the bed. He shucks off his jacket and actually hangs it up for once and its then he realizes. He looks around slowly, taking everything in. 

Half the mess is missing. The closet isn’t as full as it was this morning, there were books on the desk that aren’t there now. Shoes on the floor that were nuzzled up to his own are gone. Even the pictures Chris had, of their friends and his family are all gone.

Darren lets out a choked sob as he slides to the floor, realizing for the first time since Chris walked out the door that he might not be walking back in.

*

Joey is a good friend. Joey is the kind of friend that finds you curled up on the disgusting carpet of your bedroom and carries you into the kitchen. Darren is going to have to write fucking _sonnets_ to how awesome Joey is. 

“He’s not coming back.” Darren stares down at his beer, picking the label. He doesn’t even remember what number this is; it doesn’t even matter. 

“You don’t know that, he might come back. Maybe he just needed some space, like you said,” Joey offers. Darren shakes his head. 

“He took his pictures Joey. Like, okay pillow and blankets and his books but his pictures? He took those because he left me Joey. He just up and... got mad at me and decided I wasn’t worth it.” He drops his head to the table, letting it rest there.

“That’s not true--”

“It is. I fucking screwed up and pissed him off and there was only so long he could take my socks everywhere--”

“--your socks--?”

“And I think he had enough of me.” Darren lifts his head and looks plaintively at Joey. “It hurts,” he whispers.

“Oh Dare.” Joey sighs and gets up, grabbing Darren out of his chair and pulling him into a sloppy, drunken hug.

*

Darren wakes up to the worst hangover he’s had in months. Light hurts and sound hurts and even moving on his bed hurts (he doesn’t even remember falling down on his bed which should say something of how bad it got last night). 

He groans and rolls over, his phone under his arm and he tugs it out, looking at the time. There are still no missed calls from Chris, no messages, nothing. Darren sighs and closes his eyes as he rolls over on to his back. The pain feels a bit dulled now but Darren is sure that that is due to the fact that his head and his stomach far outweigh anything else. 

He flips through his contacts until he finds Chris name, still there with the heart next to it that Lauren had jokingly added. He swallows past the lump in his throat as he calls. Whatever time away Chris has needed is surely good enough now. 

The phone rings and rings and rings and then goes to voicemail. Darren immediately hangs up and tries again, this time it goes straight to voicemail. 

He isn’t sure what to say to a machine and so he just hangs up. Dropping the phone out of his hand, Darren rolls over to go back to sleep and ignores the classes he has to go to.

*

Friday rolls around and Julia will not let him sulk another night. 

“We’re going out,” she informs him, sitting him down on his bed. 

“I don’t want to go out,” he whines pitifully but Julia just flips through the shirts in his closet, ignoring him. She selects a few things and tosses them over at him. 

“Tough. You’re going. Now get dressed or do I need to do that for you?” She raises an eyebrow at him and Darren is smart enough to know not to chance it with her, she would probably do just that. 

“Yeah, I’m going. Leave so I can get ready,” he adds, sulking. She shakes her head but kisses his cheek, smiling. 

“I’ll be waiting right outside. I will come in if I have to.” 

He dresses quickly, meeting Julia, Lauren, Meredith and Jaime where they are waiting in the living room for him. “Come on,” Julia instructs, taking one arm, Lauren taking the other. “We’re kidnapping you for a girls night.” 

“But, I’m not... a girl...?” He starts as they pull him out of the door. 

“We’re making you an honorary one for tonight,” Jaime informs him, skipping to the bus stop ahead of them. 

They take him to a club; it’s not very big and it’s not very loud but it does help distract his mind. Lauren buys him shots and Julia stays near him, close enough that no one else approaches him throughout the night. The girls drag him onto the floor singly and in groups, making him dance with them and keeping him from getting too lost in his mind. 

When a particularly slower, quieter song comes on and Meredith and Lauren are getting refills, Jaime in the bathroom, Darren shuffles closer to Julia, wrapping his arms around her body and resting his head on her shoulder. She wraps her own arms around his neck and holds him close. It is less of a dance than it is a full body hug, both of them swaying slowly back and forth. 

“I know Dare,” she says softly, pressing a kiss to the side of his temple and holding him close. “You’re going to be okay, everything is going to be okay. I promise.”

*

In the morning, Darren wakes up with only a mild headache and actually on top of his bed for once (at least its not the couch, that thing was giving him a back ache to sleep on). He feels an arm around his waist and looks over at where Julia is curled up with him on top of the bed, their shoes even still on. 

He remembers protesting her pushing him onto the bed, talking about how he didn’t want to go to bed angry with Chris and without things resolved. He’d gone on about how it was _their_ bed and he couldn’t sleep their alone. He's grateful he has friends that will ignore what he says he wants in favor of what they know he needs.


	2. Chapter 2

**Week 2**

Darren stays close to Joey and Julia; whenever he’s not in class, one of them is by him, walking with him and talking with him, grabbing coffee or lunch. He’s amused that they both seem to have the innate sense that having both of them nearby helps him and he appreciates them for it. 

Joey is good at just making him laugh, at doing whatever ridiculous thing needs to be done to get that laugh out of him and it feels good. Sometimes it feels like he hasn’t laughed in forever and then Joey is off and doing is walrus impression and fuck Darren can’t keep a straight face for that. 

Julia is there, silent or talking, just always there next to him and keeping their bodies pressed together. She knows how he feels about touch, about actually feeling the person there next to you and its that little bit that makes him so grateful to her. 

Between the two of them he stays fairly well plenished in cuddles and laughter and he tries to keep the breakup out of his mind, but it’s never far away. 

*

He’s sitting down with a few friends, actually _laughing_ and able to think of something other than Chris and how Chris isn’t there with him for once when Bonnie plunks down next to Brian, smug look on her face. 

“I heard, from this guy in English that Chris went out last weekend,” she says to the table, proud of herself for relaying this news. Joey obviously tries to get her attention to stop but Darren is zeroed in. 

“He was... what?”

“Yeah this guy I was working with was telling me about it. Apparently he was there with some guy...? I don’t know who, I just remember Lance saying he was pissed because he was hoping he was back on the market now.” 

Darren winces at that as he thinks about it. He can hear Lauren snapping something at her but it doesn’t matter now. Chris was out at a club with a guy. 

Chris was out at a club. With a guy. 

Chris had gone out, with a guy, to a club. Probably on a date. Already. 

Darren was sitting here still unable to work past the break up and Chris was already dating again and fuck did that make him feel two fucking inches tall. He had thought that at least Chris would have been upset for a _little_ bit after breaking up with him but it sounds as if it didn’t even _matter_ to him, he was already out finding the next guy. 

And Darren knew that. He’s _known_ that. How many times has he said to him that Chris was way out of his league? And Chris just laughed it off and pulled him close and assured him that was not fucking possible? But maybe Chris just realizes it now, that he can be with anyone, any guy would dream to date someone like him and Darren is so not enough anymore. 

He wants to be angry but he can’t even summon the feeling for it. He just hopes that whoever Chris is dating treats him right and is good enough for him. 

*

Darren sits at a table in the cafeteria, the wrapper to a straw on the table in front of him, crumpled and discarded. He keeps playing with his straw wrapper, not focusing on what Julia is saying. He’s seen Chris walking around today and yesterday, the same guy in his company each time, making him smile and laugh and all Darren can think about is that this must be the guy, the one he was with at the club. It hurts to see him with someone else, hurts to see him smile at someone else and know that Darren didn’t do that.

He doesn’t hear Julia sigh but he does feel her hands coming over and touching his, taking his own in her hands and that forces him to look up at her. 

“Darren,” she begins and he already knows what she is going to say, he knows she is right but he doesn’t want to hear it. 

“No.” 

“ _Darren_ ,” she says again, softer but more firmly this time. He doesn’t respond but he does look at her. She squeezes his hands before moving to the other side of the table, coming to sit right beside him, touching from knee to hip and its that bit of touch that makes him feel better. 

“Darren it’s been two weeks,” she starts out, her voice slow and plaintive as if speaking with a child. 

“I know,” is all he’s able to come back with because he _knows_. He knows its been two weeks and Chris has been gone and hasn’t even called him and won’t answer his phone calls and he knows what that means, he just doesn’t want to face it. 

“It’s been two weeks and he hasn’t come by to see you or anything. He hasn’t even bothered to talk to you on the phone. Or anyone, really. I know you love him Dare, I know you do,” she continues on, softer as she pushes a curl back behind his ear and Darren wants to tuck himself into her side and never let go because he feels cared for and loved and he thinks he could really use some of that right now. 

She takes his face in her hands as she speaks, making him look at her. “This is killing you, I can see that. We can all see how you’re beating yourself up over it but you have to _stop_ Dare. You need to come to terms with it and with what happened because you can not keep walking around like a zombie and sleeping through your classes. Eventually something is gonna give and you’re not taking care of yourself and you know that matters to me, you matter to me Darren. It isn’t fair to you to be falling apart like this and you need to pick yourself back up and take care of yourself and your shit. 

“I mean, god Darren, its just a _boy_. I know how much he means to you, I _know_ , don’t tell me to shut up because, damnit Darren you need to hear this, but he is just a boy. And honestly? If he left you from that with nothing else to say and nothing else done? He wasn’t good enough for you Darren. He wasn’t the guy I thought he was and he sure as _fuck_ wasn’t good enough for _you_.” She wipes a tear out of the corner of her own eye and Darren feels gut punched. He falls forward, his own eyes a bit moist as he rests his head on her shoulder. 

“I don’t know what to do now,” he mumbles into her shirt. 

“Yes you do,” she responds, arms around him tight. “You just don’t want to have to do it, but maybe its time.” 

He nods slowly, not picking his head up and just letting her hold him close. 

*

Darren looks down at the books and pieces of Chris’ life that are scattered around his apartment. His lamp, his posters, his movies, books, the rest of his clothes and anything else that he found important, intermixed with Darren’s like their life. He pulls the big box out and sets it on the bed and begins to pack everything of Chris’ back up. 

He doesn’t want to think of their stuff separated, of their lives separated but fuck, Chris has made it pretty fucking clear that he’s doing just fine and doesn’t want Darren around. It hurts but its what Chris wants and he has to repeat that over and over to himself as he folds up the t-shirts and places them reverently into the box. 

It hurts more than he thought it would to pack his stuff up like this but its cathartic too, watching each and every piece go back, touching it, remembering it. As he goes, he thinks, his brain churning through scenarios and everything he’s heard. He wonders if Chris began dating this guy he was with before he broke up with Darren. Maybe he met him somewhere and realized how much better of a boyfriend he’d be than Darren was and they began seeing each other and then Chris broke up with him-- 

Darren quickly shakes his head, throwing out the idea. It hurts but he knows Chris. Chris wouldn’t do that to him, not to anyone. He’s not that kind of a person, he doesn’t intentionally hurt people like some do. If he broke up with Darren it was because he wasn’t happy with him anymore and wanted to change that. More than anything he wants Chris to be happy and he guesses he didn’t even realize how unhappy Chris was with him (if he’s out dancing with other guys already, Darren had to be doing something wrong, right? He had to be failing somewhere). Now Chris can go be happy and Darren will find someone and he’ll go and he’ll be happy and they’ll both be so happy. 

But not together. 

He sighs and looks down at the half finished box. He’s going to finish this. He’s going to pack it up and he’s going to call Chris and exchange items and everyone is going to be happy.

 

**Week 3**

 

Darren takes the bus back to the apartment. There is a movie night on for tonight and he’s in charge of hunting down either chinese or pizza for the group. He sends out a mass text message to a few in the group, looking for opinions and orders as he picks up a bit of the mess that is strewn all over the couch. He throws a few random articles of clothing in Brian’s room (and really, why is his clothing _all_ over the floor...?) before flopping back on the couch to call up netflix. 

He has a bit of time before anyone is home and he begins another episode of Ancient Aliens. It’s ridiculous and over the top but Chris had found it amusing--

He stops and blinks when he thinks about that. This is _Chris’_ show. The pain in his chest hurts, but its beginning to feel a bit like a dull ache and less like the sharpened razors its felt like before. 

It’s not like he thinks about Chris less, because he still does but it’s less common for him to turn to tell him something but he’s not there, or go to text him a message and realize he can’t. It’s far less frequent that he begins to just daydream about him in the middle of eating or watching TV or class. 

It hurts a lot, but Darren is beginning to think that he might be able to get over things. 

*

It is super close to the deadline, and his advisor is so not happy about that part, but Darren turns in his application for study abroad with a bright, hopeful smile. Julia had been the one to badger him about it. He hadn’t wanted to look at it because of what the paper stood for but she had shook him and pointed out that he could not waste such an opportunity pining. 

He’s so glad he listened to her. This study abroad program could really open his eyes to different cultures and styles of theatre and hell, he’s always wanted to get a chance to test his Italian.

*

The next day, he’s on his way to class when he spots Chris. It’s not the first time he’s seen Chris around campus but it is one of the only times he’s seen him alone (Chris, much like Darren lately, seems to travel with a permanent attachment of the Ashley or Eric variety). It takes Darren a moment to even realize he’s alone and the lack of Eric there is enough to make Darren feel lighter, happier (he thinks maybe he shouldn’t? What if Chris really liked that guy...? But fuck him, he doesn’t need to worry about that guy) while at the same time it hurts. It’s a complicated feeling, the pain and the pleasure of seeing him but Darren takes his time watching him, eyes roaming over a familiar body and face. 

The more Darren looks, he realizes something has gone wrong. Chris is sitting, but its hunkered down and in on himself like he does when he wants to physically protect himself. This isn’t good, whatever is going on with Chris can not be a good thing. 

Darren is moving over to Chris before he even thinks about it, dropping his bag onto the ground so that he can reach out to him. It feels so natural (and fuck so good) to take him in his arms and yes this is how it’s supposed to be, he knows it. He holds onto Chris, his instincts kicking into overdrive, the need and sheer _desire_ to make Chris feel better, to hold him and be the one to take care of him taking over. He pushes his own bag back as he focuses on him, pushing his hair back and wrapping his arms around him and when he feels Chris practically clinging back, fuck it’s the best feeling in the world. 

 

*

Darren takes him back to the apartment because he doesn’t know where else to go. He isn’t sure where Chris is staying right now but... But Darren wants to take care of Chris, wants to do everything he can for him if Chris will let him. 

And after everything, the crying and explaining that its Hannah, fuck it’s Hannah in the hospital and not responding and Darren’s own heart leaps at that, feeling the tight grip of panic and hoping she’ll be okay, after all of that Chris finally falls asleep on the bed. Chris’ face is red and puffy from crying and Darren knows that he’ll hate it but Darren can’t help but love Chris like this: open, vulnerable and emotional. He nuzzles into Chris’ neck, breathing him in and feeling the soft tickle of his hair on the tip of his nose. He smells like home and he feels amazing in Darren’s arms and Darren can’t get over how tight Chris is curling into him, pulling them both together, pressed from head to toe. And Darren might have been worried about Eric before, about what they might mean to each other or if they are dating but no, no, he _knows_ Chris. He might have had some doubts over the past few weeks but fuck, he knows this man and he knows with how tight his arms are and how his face is pressed into his own neck and how Chris will let him in like this when he’s falling apart, after everything meaning that he, _Darren_ , is the one that means everything to Chris, that he isn’t dating anyone anymore than Darren is and that they both want each other back as badly as the other. 

He runs a hand down Chris’ body, leaving his arm around his waist as he closes his eyes, their breathing syncing up together. It’s not fixed, not yet, but Darren knows, he knows from how Chris clings to him and to what he says. Darren doesn’t know the full story of what is going on in Chris’ mind right now, they’re going to have to sit down and have a long conversation, but he knows now that it will work out, that they will work out. Darren presses a kiss to the tip of Chris’ nose and burrows in closer to him, their bodies fitting together like puzzle pieces.


End file.
